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DaveofBradford
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#1 Jokes

Post by DaveofBradford »

I wouldnt say the wife is fat but she fell down the stairs the other day and I thought Eastenders was starting on TV
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Mike H
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#2

Post by Mike H »

Image


.
Last edited by Mike H on Fri Feb 06, 2015 2:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.
 
"No matter how fast light travels it finds that the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it."
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pre65
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#3

Post by pre65 »

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.



The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes, caffeine."
"Have you ever been in the military service?"
"Yes, he says, "I was in Iraq for two years."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment."
Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both of my testicles...
The interviewer grimaces and then says, "O.K. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 - and plan on starting at 10:00 A.M. every day."
The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M., why don't you want me here until 10:00 A.M.?"
"This is a government job," the interviewer says, "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that." :wink:
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

Edmund Burke

G-Popz THE easy listening connoisseur. (Philip)
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Mike H
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#4

Post by Mike H »

Image

 
Last edited by Mike H on Fri Feb 06, 2015 2:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.
 
"No matter how fast light travels it finds that the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it."
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pre65
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#5

Post by pre65 »

Ireland has suffered its worst ever air crash today as a 2 seater airplane crashed into a cemetery outside Dublin.

Rescue teams have recovered 828 bodies so far.



Digging continues! :wink:
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

Edmund Burke

G-Popz THE easy listening connoisseur. (Philip)
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pre65
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#6

Post by pre65 »

On the radio just now.


Man gets home from work and finds his wife dead in the washing machine !


The poor man is gutted but at least she died in comfort. :wink:
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

Edmund Burke

G-Popz THE easy listening connoisseur. (Philip)
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Mike H
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#7

Post by Mike H »

Cruel, but funny :D
 
"No matter how fast light travels it finds that the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it."
jfs
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#8

Post by jfs »

A frozen lasagne, black forest gateux and a garlic baguette, have just hit me on the head

I reckon it must be the fallout from Iceland.
little eddy
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#9

Post by little eddy »

What's the difference between the Icelandic volcano & Cheryl Cole?





















...the volcano's still blowing Ash
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bob orbell
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#10

Post by bob orbell »

Chap goes to the doctors with a bar of soap stuck up his arse (can I say arse on this forum) the doctor taks a look and say's well! that's life boy.
Aardvark
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#11

Post by Aardvark »

Tried to open an account at Screwfix today - got turned down....




apparently its not a dating agency :oops:
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GregS
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pre65
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#12

Post by pre65 »

Aardvark wrote:Tried to open an account at Screwfix today - got turned down....




apparently its not a dating agency :oops:

Don't talk to me about dating agencies. :x :lol:
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

Edmund Burke

G-Popz THE easy listening connoisseur. (Philip)
Aardvark
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#13

Post by Aardvark »

Took my dog to the park today and played frisbee with him. He was useless.



Think I need flatter dog :?
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GregS
chris661
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#14

Post by chris661 »

Aardvark wrote:Took my dog to the park today and played frisbee with him. He was useless.



Think I need flatter dog :?
Brilliant. :D
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Mike H
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#15

Post by Mike H »

Image


 
 
"No matter how fast light travels it finds that the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it."
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